Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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