winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
