You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
He? As in you personified your dick?
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
