i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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