I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
