he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Enjoy the penises
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Randomize
