Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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