if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
