i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
My dick has a subreddit
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
