My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
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