he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Randomize
