yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
My vagina just recognized that song.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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