Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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