I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Randomize
