I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
