She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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