She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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