I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Randomize