Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
