i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
