i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Randomize