somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
