i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
