You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Randomize
