So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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