so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
