so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I touched a dick in church today
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
