in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
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