her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize
