Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Randomize
