He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
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