remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Randomize
