you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
How does one acquire holy water?
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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