he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
