we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
