Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
