So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
