So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
