$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
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