You're a womanizer and a bitch.
they need to just BURY HIM!
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize
