you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I got inside last night via doggy door
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Randomize
