my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize