Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
