Can i not drive my cunt home
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
