Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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