My friends, they love my intelligence
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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