Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
