I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
