proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
