fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
