So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Is Oprah even human
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
