I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Acid is not a monday night drug
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
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