I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Randomize
