I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
