you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
