she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
