if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
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