The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
