I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I still have a little drunk in my system
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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