the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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