I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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