You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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