I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
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