What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
