do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Liz is crying about burritos again.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
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