My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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