Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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