sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
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