I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
