Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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