bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
