apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize