Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
