When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Randomize
