It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
