I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Randomize
