Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
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