he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
