She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
