Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
