I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
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