I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
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