I CAN MOONWALK!
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
