Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
