let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Randomize
