Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
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