there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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