You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Randomize
