I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Mom said you looked used
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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