The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
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