girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
