He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
