Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
