I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
