the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
