If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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