whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
