please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Randomize
