im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
God gave him joint rollers for hands
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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