Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
