those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize