Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
You don't have asthma, your pregnant
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Randomize
