i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
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